F**K BEAUTY, F**K SILENCE & F**K JUST 'WEATHERING IT'....

Sometimes, I find myself in a daze as thoughts wash over me throughout the day. Why don’t women talk more about this shit more? Why don’t I feel loving and passionate at the moment? Why don’t I just deal with this very well and weather it like she does? Why do I crave alone time?'

I often catch myself playing the comparison game, spiraling into a well of frustrated "why’s." But then I go for a run, get a good night’s sleep, or find some alone time to recenter, and my inner warrior speaks up...

"Screw that, you love the time alone because you’re overrun with kids all day and you're touched out".... "You speak out because you know deep down it shouldn’t be hushed up!"and women don't comfortably talk about certain things because society has created stigma around them"

Menopause, Divorce, Ageing, mental health, Infertility, abortion, STD's..all attached with shame, let down, awkwardness and ugliness. We all experience most of them so let's talk more and dismantle the stigma.

All of us are trying to function in a world that expects us to 'just cope with it all' and 'get on with it', when the infrastructure to actually support and help us function at our best doesn't

exist!

This year unearthed new challenges that have shaken me. There will always be those annoying thoughts that rise from the depths and prod me —the "Omg look how bad your hair looks" days , the “Jesus Christ, your tits are like deflated balloons” days, the "your skin looks terrible" days, the "you look so tired and bloated" days, the "your concealer aint doing shit for you today" days. But these voices are like light rain dappling a car bonnet, rather than golf ball-sized hailstones destroying the car. I push them down and laugh them off pretty easily.

In my teens and twenties, these voices where LOUD, my mind completely controlled my mood and daily experience. It’s devastating to loathe yourself, and feel powerless because you hold so much of your self-worth in your exterior. That’s why I talk so much about the things that helped me rewrite and rewire that toxic beliefs—the strip teasing, the meditation, the art, the dance, the body impressions, the ‘let it all hang out’ nakedness. These practices allowed me to shift perspective and heal emotionally. It took years, but f**k me, it worked.

What bothers me now are the young ‘me’s growing up. When the mind is so easily influenced and there’s that need to fit in, to adhere to what boys think is 'hot', what other girls consider 'cool', and be sucked into what the media deems beautiful. I was that kid. I cared so much about what others thought of me, how they looked at me, what they said about me. Negative comments about my appearance cut deep during my teenage years, leaving scars I can still recall vividly. Scars that have taken years to heal.

 This strong emphasis on appearance for those growing up in Western cultures, won’t change. It will damage us in our youth and become a belief we need to fight our way out of in adulthood. All because we live in a world where profit is made from our insecurities. It pays to have you feel insecure about your looks..and it pays a lot.

I will always speak up about beauty and what it means in Western societies because I see how it imprints on women, men too, but women more. The filters, the fake hair, the wrinkle-erasing trends, the teeny waists, the huge lips—not just the financial cost but the emotional one. It’s all a big distraction from what truly matters.

My own journey when it comes to beauty has been a long one, but now there's so much less burden and heaviness, so much less time spent in front of the mirror, and so much more acceptance and love for who I am inside and out.

Recently, I’ve experienced other shifts and challenges. Now a 40 year young mum of two boys, I’m hitting a stage where hormonal changes bring new 'forfucksakenes' into the arena. Thank f**k there are Women and Doctors out there working their asses off to change the healthcare system, raise awareness about hormone depletion as we age... and more importantly, shift the stigma around the word 'Menopause'. Finally anti-drepreents (although still the current go to for a lot of GPS) are being called out on as perimenopause treatment, and things are changing. 

It makes me feel so frustrated and angry when I read about women who abandoned their career, destroyed relationships and even took their own lives because they were perimenopausal and didn’t know, and whats worse is that alot of them went to their doctor and got turned away or just given antidepressants. Women can be perimneapusal up tp 10 years before they actually go into full menopause …10 f**king years!!! Story's of women feeling like they were going mad or getting dementia for years when all along it was hormones…hormones that could have been replaced and balanced with intervention.

Ive even had women collect my work and talk openly about their struggles with their physical and mental health because of perimenopause, and how my art soothed and resonated with what they went through.

I will never forget a women who bought a ‘Fuck Me Harder’ Print and told me she wreaked a 17 year relationship because she was perimenopaual and doctors kept turning her away when she was asking for HRT. She was in her early 40’s.

It kills me to hear these stories but at the same time I feel so utterly blessed that the awareness is out and this will be the generation to change how we see, feel and get treated when it comes to menopause.

I feel overwhelmed at times with all the information available, but I still feel waves of loneliness and uncertainty about what’s in store for my future and hormones. Why? Because this was never discussed in my youth, teenage years, or adulthood! A year ago, if someone asked me what perimenopause was, I would have just looked at them blankly. Even writing that makes a part of me feel let down.

After reading Davina’s book ‘Menopausing,’ I have a looming WTF feeling. Questions flood my mind: Will my GP give me a patch? What’s best for me—pill or patches? Coils or creams? And how do I sort out the testosterone? All these thoughts flow in whilst im cooking, cleaning, trying to grow a small business, paint, design, and be the ‘perfect mother’ (another blog will come on that!)

It feels like a f**king minefield, but it’s one I want to talk about and share because I know the last year has been a little off —my mood, my periods. Yes, family stress, crappy sleep, and general living stress play a part, but if you’re a woman, you just know. Especially if you’re sensitive to hormones like me, you just can’t ignore it.

I refuse to be one of those women who just weather it, be that menopause, traumas, emotions... burying myself in work or fitness and just push it all down. I did that when I was younger, and it messed me up, for years. I don’t want any of you to weather it either, suppressing wants and needs, popping pills to dull the pain and discomfort, using alcohol or other crutches just to get through it—destroying relationships and health along the way.

F**k that.

I want you to LIVE. To feel all the things, the good and the bad and know that we all feel them. Nothing is off limits and the only thing that making you feel shame or alone is the narrative that the external world has conditioned you with.

My work will always be here to soothe, comfort, and champion you. I dare myself to talk more and more about things I’ve been taught to keep quiet and suppress. Going against the grain and pushing forward with fear has made me a stronger and more resilient person. It’s put me in a better position to care not only for myself alot more, but also to give and support others. I was never mentally strong enough to do that in my twenties and thirties, as I was consumed with working through my own conditioning and clearing the path.

This journey has taught me the power of vulnerability and authenticity. By sharing my own struggles and triumphs, I hope to inspire others to embrace their true selves and find strength in their imperfections. It’s not always easy, but it’s incredibly rewarding.

I also want to thank you for always supporting and pushing me with my art and what I speak about. Having you with me and hearing your own stories and breakthroughs fills me with so much love and ‘fuck yehness.’ So, never stop telling me. Never stop sharing with me.

Lots of love and speak soon!

Beth x x

ARTWORK FEATURED IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE

"Warrior" Mixxed media Original

"Fuck Beauty", Mixed Media Original

"Emerald Bloom" Limited Edition Giclee Print

"Fuck Me Harder" Limited Edition Giclee Print

"Element, Limited Edition Giclee Print

SHOP COLLECTION